Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
