I wish my penis had an off switch
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
