i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
