hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My dick has a subreddit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
