This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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