Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
