upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
