just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
