I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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