Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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