I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
