In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
