I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
