My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
