Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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