I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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