Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fuck appropriateness.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
