As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
