i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
