you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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