gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize