at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
