Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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