I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a hot homeless man
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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