He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
