where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
