I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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