epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
