so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
