Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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