Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
