I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
