Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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