Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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