I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he fucked my hip out of place.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
