Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
