its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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