I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my liver is dry heaving
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