Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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