Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
