I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
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Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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