i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I looked at my own cervix.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
