i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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