very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
