oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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