god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
