There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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