About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
