I'm laying in your front yard are you home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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