The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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