pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
