I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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