I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
