I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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