Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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