good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
