margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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