3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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