They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
