It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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Operation Purity has been aborted
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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