Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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