You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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