Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
