I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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