we have pet lesbian snakes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
