All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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