Im at strip club and am horny
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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