dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
