Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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