I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize