There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
