Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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