she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
