Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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