The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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