Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
