All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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