We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
