Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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