Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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