I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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