so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
