I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
