Umm I'm too high to move.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
